what happened to the real world?
by dotty stripes
Summary: Hermione finally loses it, in the worst possible way... and it's ~COMPLETE~
1. how do you spell obsession?

Disclaimer: I do not own anything, meaning Buffy the Vampire Slayer (that belongs to the almighty Joss, who is disguised as God). I also don't own Harry Potter (that also belongs to JK, who is disguised as a female version of God). But I do own the tiny little scraps of plot that appear here and there.  
  
A/N: BEFORE you read this I'd like you to know that it would be extremely helpful if you knew about Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Second of all I'm not going to be able to get the dialogue or anything like that exactly right for the bits of Buffy episodes I do use, so don't whine about it, I already know it's wrong.  
  
Chapter 1 Hermione Granger, prize student of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was running around her lounge room in a nervous excitement which could only be calmed by one thing: her collection of Buffy the Vampire Slayer videos. Over the summer Hermione had developed a love for Buffy and all her friends, a love that ended with a collection of key rings that she bought for a whopping fifteen pounds off the internet.  
  
Finally, Hermione's wish for the day came true as she slid the video into her VCR and was greeted with the howling of a wolf which signalled the beginning of the opening credits for her favourite TV show. Hermione sat down on her comfy lounge and immediately became enthralled in the world of season two of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  
  
As her favourite episode came to an end Hermione sat back in her darkened lounge room, closed her eyes and began to imagine what it would be like to be friends with Buffy.  
  
*Hermione's wonderful imagination*  
  
I walk down the hallway of a darkened Sunnydale High until I come across the person I had been looking for, "Angel, where have you been? We've all been looking for you." He begins to walk towards me with- wait, scratch that, Spike is so much sexier than Angel. Instead of just Angel being there, Spike can be with him.  
  
I walk down the hallway of a darkened Sunnydale High until I come across the person I had been looking for, "Angel, where have you been? We've all been looking for you." He just walks up to me as I hear a commotion in the hallway behind me.  
  
"Hermione, get away from him!" Buffy began to yell at me.  
  
I turn around, confused, "What do you mean?" As I ask this I'm grabbed from behind by Spike who was lurking out of sight behind Angel. I gasp and I suddenly realise what Buffy was going on about, something happened to Angel, he was no longer on our side.  
  
"What are you going to do now slayer? We've got your little friend here." Says Spike tauntingly, gripping me even tighter around the neck. I here several pairs of running footsteps as the rest of the Scooby Gang join us in this rather terrifying hostage situation. I see the looks of desperation on everyone's faces as they look at me, and their faces suddenly turn stony as the now evil Angel steps into view.  
  
"Spike, shut it. So, the whole gang has turned up to see the show hey? That always happened. You know what always happened at those other shows that won't happen here?"  
  
Buffy, the ever lasting smart arse replied, "The bad guy's gonna back down so he doesn't have to have his butt and ego kicked."  
  
"No. Today you are all going to see one of your dearest friends killed." Angel smiles at me as if he's going to savour the moment. Spike's grip keeps on getting tighter, anticipating the kill. All of a sudden, all hell breaks loose as Buffy and the gang, as if they were a synchronised swimming team charged Angel and Spike. A whole heap of arse kicking ensued with Angel and Spike leaving, not before Spike gives me a smirk and a wink which is my death sentence; they're going to be back for me.  
  
*end of fantasy*  
  
Hermione's eyes suddenly flew open and saw that she had been day dreaming for almost a half an hour and that her precious tape needed to be rewound. She carefully put away her tape, got into her pj's and hopped into bed, ready for another day of Buffy immersion on the internet. As she waited to fall asleep Hermione wondered how on earth she was going to survive Hogwarts with out Buffy for months on end. Hermione realise that she only had two days until she had to go back to Hogwarts and resume being the nerdy girl she was.  
  
But Hermione no longer obsessed about her school work, sure, she studied over the holidays and was sure that she'd still come top of her year at Hogwarts. Except that now Hermione had something else to obsess over, and that thing was, you guessed it, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Hermione was going to have to live with reading Buffy books and fantasising about the (only to Hermione the delusional) luscious Spike.  
  
As Hermione drifted off to sleep she couldn't help but to resume one of her many fantasies that seemed a lot like the episode Lover's Walk but had her in it instead of Willow.  
  
A/N: I will be back. Ginger -Ninja style! 


	2. things aren't what they seem

Disclaimer: I don't own the only things of worth on the following page- Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Harry Potter.  
  
A/N: I'd like to say thanks to the reviewers (I was so surprised that I actually got more than one from my friend). And I'd like to say a big thanks to Sam who got me started.  
  
Chapter 2- Things Aren't What They Seem  
  
It was only two weeks into Hermione's first term back at Hogwarts in her fifth year and already she was wearing signs of Buffy depravation. Hermione had already sped through all the Buffy books she had brought with her and had resorted to reading the Watcher's Guide over and over again. Not only that but her imagination had run wild, she was day dreaming in class and, shock of all shocks, was not answering every single question aimed at the class. Her best friends Ron and Harry were getting worried, she actually had to do an essay the night before it was due. Let's just say that Hermione could only think of two things: obviously Buffy, and, Spike.  
  
Now we join Hermione in the Great Hall at breakfast where one of the most important weeks in Hogwarts history was to begin. This week was the week that Hermione Granger, the smartest girl at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, would come undone.  
  
Hermione plopped herself heavily into a seat across from Ron and Harry and immediately reached for toast. She then sat back and prepared to go into Buffy dream land for the day, but instead she was rudely interrupted by her neglected friends, "Hermione, are you okay? You haven't really uh, been yourself lately." Harry asked this with one of those concerned, where-here- because-we-love-you looks.  
  
"I'm dandy," Hermione quipped back with a frown. She then returned to contemplate her toast, trying to remember if there were any references to toast in Buffy.  
  
"Hermione, really. We want to know what's wrong. You didn't answer one question yesterday in Potions, I thought Snape was going to have a fit or something," Ron implored.  
  
Hermione simply sighed impatiently, looked up at Ron and told him, to their disbelief, "There are more important things to think about than school. Don't you know at this moment that there is the greatest TV show ever being produced and that no one except me cares about it? You'd think that I'd gone mad or something, I told you on the way to school all about Buffy and what I think about it. So do leave me alone to think about something." And it was true, Hermione had told them all about Buffy, but they hadn't paid attention, it was so much more interesting to see what would happen if you spat out the window.  
  
The bell soon rang with Ron and Harry dragging Hermione out of the Great Hall, who was still in great contemplation over the general role of food in Buffy. All the way to Care of Magical Creatures Ron and Harry questioned Hermione, bugged Hermione, made passes at Hermione and generally annoyed the absolute crap out of Hermione. So you could just imagine the state that she was in by the time their giant teacher Hagrid began to speak to the class.  
  
With Ron and Harry decidedly ignoring Hermione for the time being, and Hermione decidedly being in a talkative mood, the rest of the class, which included both Gryffindor and Slytherin students, learnt about Hermione's everlasting love for Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The rest of the class was quick to also ignore Hermione because they had no idea what she was on about and didn't particularly wan to know. The Slytherins however, did take an interest and as soon as Hagrid was out of earshot the one and only Draco Malfoy approached the alone and vulnerable Hermione, "So, my little mudblood doesn't have any friends now. Would it have something to do with the fact that, oh, she doesn't do their homework for them anymore?"  
  
Hermione took a page out of Buffy's book and kept a brave face going into danger, "Or maybe my little bouncing ferret that it has something to do with you approaching me. Your stench must have driven them off; I guess I must be the only one who can stomach such an inhuman stench."  
  
The lesson took a form of Malfoy taunting Hermione, the Slytherins laughing and Hermione insulting back. At the end of class Hermione saw Hagrid motion to her to come and talk to him. When Hermione approached him she saw that his face was full of concern, "Hermione, are ye alright, ye seem a bit er, quiet."  
  
"Nothing's wrong Hagrid, just got a lot to think about at the moment," Hermione paused, fishing around for a suitable excuse for her behaviour, "you know, beginning of a new year and all."  
  
"Oh, okay then. Make sure ye keep on top of everything then." Hermione walked up to the castle with a strange sense of fore boding, a feeling that this week was not going to be her week.  
  
The rest of the week went somewhat like that Monday with her fellow housemates ignoring her, which was actually fine with her, more time to think and fantasise about Buffy. But her teachers began to show concern, noticing that Hermione was not the same student that they had taught last year. Worst of all though, since Hermione was now a lone target she was now every Slytherin fifth year's punching bag.  
  
Unfortunately for Hermione all this business culminated on Friday in a fateful double potions lesson.  
  
A/N: Going to have to leave you there folks. I like to write when the words just flow, which is what they aren't doing at the moment, as you can see, this chapter is boring as hell. But I promise you that the next chap will be a whopper. You just gotta stick around for a little longer! 


	3. Vulnerable

A/N: things may get a little wacky from here on. You have been warned.  
  
Chapter 3- Vulnerable  
  
On the Friday that is now known as "The Final Stand of the Sane" Hermione lost it, cracked, came undone, got hit with the crazy stick, went round the bend, went up the wall and lost all sense of reality. It was a typical potions lesson, well, for that particular week it was. Hermione would be ignored by the Gryffindors, Snape would be merciless in his punishments of the Gryffindors and the Slytherins would incessantly tease Hermione, the teasing went supposedly unseen by Snape. But that theory got crushed as pretty much the whole class saw Snape chuckle at a slur that Malfoy threw at Hermione.  
  
But this had been going on all week and seemed like the longest week of school ever for Hermione. Ron and Harry were not talking to her for some reason unknown to Hermione, and the same applied to the entire house of Gryffindor. The insults from the Slytherins were nothing new, but without friends to brush the insults off with it were quite taken to heart. So this leads us to Hermione, sitting in double potions, the last class of Friday after a week of hell feeling as if anything would be better than school. Mind you, this was quite a revolutionary thought for Hermione, the infamous book worm.  
  
Hermione was sitting up the front of the class and to the left, all by herself and in front of everyone's favourite Slytherins, Malfoy and company. She dealt with the taunts of the Slytherins by drifting off into Buffy land, where she fought the good fight, got to pash Spike through some weird tweaking of the Buffyverse by Hermione and got to have tea and biscuits afterwards with the Scooby Gang. Needless to say that it was heaven for the stranded-in-hell Hermione. It was now expected that Hermione would drift off into her own fantasies and no one paid any mind to her, except Malfoy.  
  
Malfoy picked up that Hermione was at her weakest in her fantasy state, though she appeared to be unaware of her surroundings, she actually was. But Hermione's downfall was that even though she was aware, she was unalert. Basically it worked like this, Hermione knew that she was in class and that she was supposed to be learning, but if you said anything to her she would not show any sign of having heard you. Malfoy, being on of those evil genius people who only knew how to use their knowledge for bad figured that if he threw something at Hermione, she would snap back to reality and then he could throw insults at her while she tried to get back into her fantasy state.  
  
And it worked. Over and over again without fail, "So, mudblood, what are you thinking about today? The day that you finally can brush your hair?"  
  
The pattern continued with Hermione continually turning around and ignoring Malfoy. Until the insults got the better of Hermione, "Well, here sits little mudblood, all alone and so forlorn. What on earth could be wrong with her? Did you finally find out that your friends aren't really your friends? Because it damn well looks that way doesn't it? The minute you stop your little know-it-all act they don't want to hear about anything you have to say. Now the question is, what do you do now that you don't have friends and school work isn't your life? I want to know why you, being a mudblood and all, are still here. You obviously don't like school any more, that is taken for granted. So, I figure that for you, anywhere but here would be better for you, anywhere."  
  
After this barrage of insults Hermione turned around to look at the smug Malfoy and his sniggering friends and she looked at them. She blankly stared at them while she processed properly exactly what Malfoy said to her. The bushy haired girl finally came to a conclusion and said to Malfoy, who was no longer looking to smug anymore, "You know what Malfoy? You're right, anywhere is better than here." Hermione sullenly and slowly turned around to face the front of the classroom with a blank look on her face as Snape took twenty points from Gryffindor because Hermione was distracting the Slytherins. This earned Hermione many a glare, but, unlike before, she didn't blush, didn't look back at them, she didn't even mouth an apology, this time she sat facing the front of the classroom with a blank face as she slowly drifted into her Buffy fantasy.  
  
The class continued with Hermione not once moving from her position facing the front of the classroom, not once changing the expression on her face and not once turning around as Malfoy and his friends tried to catch her attention over and over again. Instead Hermione was somewhere else entirely.  
  
A/N: sorry it's short; I can't finish it off at the moment. I have other things to attend to (noooo! I'd rather write fanfic). And I won't be updating for at least a week because I'm going away (a tear falls from the author's eye as she thinks of a world without fanfic and the net. As soon as I get back I'll update. I'm sorry it's taking so long to get to the actual plot part; I have this habit of making stories go slow. 


	4. we are not willow and xander

A/N: sorry for the wait, I didn't have access to a computer for a week (how painful it can be!). Here you go, another chapter, don't get too excited (no, I am not an egotistic freak, I'm being sarcastic).  
  
Chapter 4- We Are Not Willow and Xander  
  
"Pay attention. You have to find out the name of a plant which can turn people into flying purple dogs, you will then write an essay on this plant. If you can't find the name of this plant you will serve detention with me on Monday," and with out further ado potions class ended on Friday, the day that is not coincidently named the Final Stand of the Sane.  
  
The students filed out of the classroom after Snape, eager to get to their common rooms and a break from class. But one person didn't follow. That person was Hermione Granger who was still sitting in her front row seat, back ram rod straight and her face completely void of emotion. This is how her "friends" Ron and Harry found her after the rest of the students had left the class room. Ron and Harry had been ignoring Hermione all week because of her insistence that she only talk about her recent obsession, Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  
  
Ron and Harry walked in front of Hermione and stood there expectantly, waiting for her to notice them, which she didn't. Unknown to her friends, Hermione had retreated from the bleak reality which was her life and into the Buffy verse; it was her own fantasy, her own brand of escapism. Ron, still standing in front of Hermione began to wave his hand in front of Hermione's face, "Hermione? Are you there? We've got homework you know, you might want to get started or something," Ron then turned to Harry with an exasperated look on his face, "You think she's ignoring us now? I mean, this is taking it a bit too far don't you think? We're standing right in front of her."  
  
Harry looked at Ron doubtfully, and then looked at Hermione, who was still sitting there, oblivious to everything, "Maybe Malfoy did something to her, and she's been that way ever since Malfoy started annoying her."  
  
"Nah, I reckon that she's just ignoring us. When we walk out of the room she'll get up and go. Well then Hermione, if you want to do that go ahead, we were just about to forgive you."  
  
Harry interrupted Ron's rant at the unresponsive Hermione, "Ron, Hermione wouldn't do that, she's not that childish. I think something's genuinely something wrong with her."  
  
At this Hermione suddenly broke her blank stare at the front of the room with a slight shake of her head and looked at Harry, "What's wrong with me Xander?"  
  
Harry and Ron, who were looking at each other jumped and turned to Hermione. Harry then decided to respond, "Nothing apparently. Wait, did you just call me Xander?"  
  
Hermione looked at Harry, puzzled, "Yeah, it's your name isn't it?" she said to him slowly.  
  
This interesting and extremely wrong statement clued Harry and Ron in on the fact that something wasn't quite right with Hermione at the moment. So in true male style they both stood gawking at Hermione as if she were an escapee from a leper colony. Hermione gave them both a confused smile and proceeded to pack her bag, "Nice try. It was a good joke to play on me, especially after a science lesson like that. So, what are we going to do on this wonderfully free Friday night? Hit the Bronze, or is Buffy going on patrol?"  
  
Hermione got out of her seat and looked questioningly at the two dumbfounded boys standing across from her, "Xander? Willow? Are you guys alright? You know, that last lesson wasn't that bad, I mean, I'm still with the land of the living."  
  
Ron was the first to emerge from his shocked stupor, "Hermione, our names are Ron and Harry. We are not Xander and Willow, whoever they are."  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes at him and said nonchalantly, "Okay, the joke was discovered a few minutes before. So, as much as I love you both, I think I will leave now and let you two sort yourselves out. I'll go find Buffy and find out what's on tonight. Is that okay, or do you want me to take you to a psychiatrist of some kind?"  
  
Harry and Ron, who were not one's to break a trend stood there as Hermione took one last look at them, shook her head and walked off muttering. Harry stiffly walked to one of the desks and sat down at it, while taking yoga breaths that his Aunt Petunia had been practicing over the summer. Ron looked at Harry and said the statement that sealed the fate of Hermione's social future, "She's cracked, utterly and completely cracked." Harry could only nod in agreement as he realised just what had happened to their best friend.  
  
Hermione, who was in search of Buffy, who consequently did not exist and did not live in the castle of Hogwarts, was exasperated over her friends' behaviour. Xander and Willow were playing one weird joke on her, and to be honest it had freaked her out, usually Willow couldn't lie to save herself and wouldn't go along with it and Xander usually burst out laughing after three seconds. It wasn't like them to act like that. Hermione unconsciously said the password to the Fat Lady and climbed into the portrait and up to her dorm; she was now at what she considered 'home'.  
  
Needless to say two completely astounded boys were slowly walking through the corridors of Hogwarts and decided that they should confront Hermione and find out if she really believed that they were different people. If she was just playing with them, well, they would all go back to normal. If she wasn't joking, then they figured that St Mungo's wouldn't suffer if they had another patient.  
  
A/N: finally! Things are starting to happen. I'm sorry that it took so long to get into the story, if I didn't then no one would have a clue what was happening. Any way, I hope you enjoy the fic and come back another time. 


	5. would you like insanity with that?

Chapter 4-would you like insanity with that?  
  
Hermione walked into the Great Hall for dinner with her head held high and aiming for one destination: a very scared looking Harry and Ron. As she approached them the boys looked at her fearfully, that is until she sat down. She sat down and settled herself in and turned to her two best friends and said to them, "So, are you two okay now?"  
  
Believing that she was talking about how they had ignored her for a whole week they answered in the positive, but Ron had to shake them all out of their false sense of normality by asking Hermione, "Where did you get the idea to flip us off by calling us Xander and Willow?"  
  
When Hermione paused as if puzzled by his question Ron's smile faded and Harry looked as if he were going to drop his face into his mashed potatoes and gravy in exasperation. Hermione cocked her head ever so slightly, and said with amusement dancing in her eyes, "For the last time, your names are Xander and Willow, I am Hermione, you are my best friends aside from Buffy and we all live in Sunnydale," she broke out into a huge smile and continued, "Last but not least we are the Scooby Gang." Hermione looked around and scrunched up her nose as she came across Pansy, a particularly nasty girl from Slytherin house, "Ewwww, Cordelia's here but Buffy isn't. what weird twist of fate would cause that to happen?"  
  
Harry and Ron were not having a good time of it. They looked at each other and turned to Hermione, Harry said to her, "The reason Buffy isn't here is because there is no Buffy who attends Hogwarts."  
  
Hermione, instead of even hearing what they were saying had, in her delusional state changed the words in her mind to, 'The reason Buffy isn't here is because Giles asked her to stay behind for some reason. That reason not being evident to us.' Hermione turned to Harry and said to him, "Xander, did you see Buffy after school? Cause I thought that she left early or something."  
  
Harry sighed and bowed his head in exasperation, "No Hermione, I haven't seen Buffy, she left early." At this Ron's eyes widened and he slowly turned to Harry as Hermione busied herself with her dinner and looking around at everyone in the Great Hall.  
  
"What do you think you're doing? She reckons we're someone else, she's gone nuts."  
  
Harry looked at Hermione and finally said to Ron, "Think of it this way. If we play along with her we can protect her from other people who are going to take advantage of her situation. Let's face it, we don't want our best friend going to a nut house. If we pretend that everything's fine then it will be. Eventually she'll snap out of it."  
  
"How do you know that? She might be stuck in her little day dream for the rest of her life!"  
  
"Ron, it's just like the House Elves, she'll eventually get tired of it all and brush it off. This way we get to be her friend, make sure she doesn't go to St Mungo's and make sure that she doesn't get into too much strife."  
  
Ron just growled in response, something about 'you're right' and 'St Mungo's. she might kill us all.' But Harry wisely left it at that and began to think about the little world Hermione had herself stuck in. It seemed that she had replaced their identities with other people's, he just wondered who 'Buffy' would be. If it turned out to be someone who Hermione just didn't get along with it would be disasterous, if it were someone she knew it would be uncomfortable at best.  
  
Harry watched as Hermione talked to a member of Gryffindor House who she obviously didn't know. He wanted to see who Buffy would turn out to be. It was turning into a sick sort of reality TV show, one where you got to see your best friend become delusional and insane.  
  
Hermione turned to Harry, "Xander, what did you think about Buffy's idea? You know, three nights of slayage and two nights of fun, those nights preferably being Friday and Saturday night."  
  
"Um, yeah, that sounds good. A bit of relief you know."  
  
Hermione nodded and then snapped her head to the entrance of the Hall as Dean Thomas walked in (A/N: for the stories sake if Dean doesn't have blonde hair in the books, he has blonde hair now), "Look, Buffy's here."  
  
Harry looked at Ron who had his eyebrows raised and was looking confused, "So, that must be Buffy then." Harry nodded and turned to watch Dean approach the Gryffindor table, oblibious to Hermione's shouts of 'Buffy! Over here!"  
  
Harry turned to Ron, "Where going to have to tell him. She's going to be crushed if he doesn't acknowledge her." He said while gesturing at Hermione who was getting a bit distressed.  
  
"What's wrong? Why is she ignoring me?" Hermione looked at Ron and Harry.  
  
Harry, who was the smart and sensitive one said to her, "We'll go talk to her and see what the problem is. Is that ok?" Hermione nodded her head and proceeded to sulk, a very un-Hermione action.  
  
Harry and Ron got up and hurried over to Dean, and grabbed him by the arms and frog marched him out of the Great Hall amid a confused protest. As soon as they were outside Harry began talking, "Dean we need a really big favour from you and you have to do it."  
  
Dean looked at them and slowly replied, "Okay.as long as it doesn't involve me going out with some girl who I wouldn't look at twice."  
  
Harry nodded and continued, "It doesn't have anything to do with that sort of thing. You see, it's a problem with Hermione. She's sort of gone a tiny bit around the bend and she thinks that we're somebody else."  
  
Dean looked at him dubiously. Ron interjected, "In paricualr she thinks that you are some girl named Buffy."  
  
Dean was taken aback by this, "She thinks I'm a girl? What?!"  
  
Ron moved to reassure him, "Don't worry. She thinks I'm some girl named Willow."  
  
Harry took over again, "The point is that we don't want Hermione to be taken to St Mungo's or anything so we're playing along with it until she snaps out of it. Since Hermione thinks you're her friend could you please just pretend that you are Buffy. I doesn't take much, just agree with what she says and make up the rest, you're a high school girl, it won't be that hard."  
  
Dean looked at the two boys who had him backed against a wall and had expectant looks on their faces, "I'll do it. As long as I don't have to dress or act like a girl."  
  
Ron replied, "That's no problem, Hermione does that for us."  
  
They entered the Hall together and stopped for Dean to tell his friends to meet him later. They sat down with Hermione who was now beyond sulking and had slipped into anger. Dean sat down next to her, "I'm sorry about before, I was just sorting a few things out with them, you know?"  
  
Hermione looked at him and said, "Oh! Slaying business. I'm so sorry! I overreacted to it all. You know, it's been a long week and all." Hermione looked at the group of boys around her, "So, what are we going to do for the rest of the night?"  
  
The boys looked uncomfortably at one another, "Well, we were thinking maybe it could be a bit more of a home-bound night. There hasn't been much going on."  
  
Hermione nodded and said to them, "That sounds cool. A justified night off, sounds good."  
  
They trooped up to the Gryffindor common room and sat around and talked uncomfortably until Hermione decided to 'head on home.'  
  
Dean immediately turned to Harry and Ron, "I know what she's up to. She thinks that we're characters from a TV show."  
  
Ron looked confused as Harry nodded. Dean saw Ron's obviously puzzled look and tried to explain, "It's sort of like a play, except in your lounge room." Ron just shook his head in response, "Either way. She thinks we're characters from a TV show named Buffy the Vampire Slayer, heard of it Harry?"  
  
Harry nodded, "Yeah I think I have."  
  
Ron was still in the dark about it and Dean was losing patience, "For your sake Ron we'll say that she thinks wer're chracters from a book. Basically the 'book' is about Buffy, who I am supposed to be. Buffy is a teenage vampire slayer, she kills vampires. She has friends who know about it, but no one is supposed to know right?" Dean checked that Harry and Ron were still with him, "You guys are Buffy's best friends, Willow who has reddish hair and Xander, who has dark brown hair. The thing is that Hermione obviously put herself into the show and is now acting it out in real life."  
  
Harry nodded and then asked, "What other characters are there?"  
  
"Well, Buffy has an ex-boyfriend, who's a vampire, he's called Angel or Angelus. Buffy has a watcher, a coach you could call it, who's around forty years old. There's Cordelia, the school snob and two vampires who hang around quite a bit, their names are Spike and Drusilla. But the definite characters depend on which season that Hermione likes the best. Does that explain it all?"  
  
"Pretty much, yeah," was Ron's response. Exhausted from an evening of being confused and trying to understand things they headed off to bed. While going up the stairs Ron asked Dean, "How do you know about all this stuff?"  
  
"It really is a long and sad story." 


	6. the decent into insanity continues

Chapter 6 (I think, I've sort of lost count) - The Decent into Insanity Continues  
  
The next morning, in which Ron, Harry and Dean fielded awkward questions about things they didn't really know about, was relatively normal. That's if you leave out the part where Hermione thought that she was living the life of a TV show. All went well until it was time for everyone's favourite and the class that is used as a plot bunny in most Harry Potter fan fics because it's so damn easy to exploit, potions. That morning they were blessed with the fact that all their classes were with the Gryffindors, which was safe; any comments Hermione made to anyone could be fixed. But, alas, as per usual the Gryffindors had potions with the Slytherins.  
  
Hermione, who had been chatting away happily all morning suddenly sprung an obviously important question Dean's way as they were lining up to go into potions. She asked him, "So, Buffy, has there been any sign of Angelus around lately? I mean, he might be planning something, he's been way too quiet."  
  
Mentally, Dean began firing off a rather long and vulgar list of swear words, what he said ever so politely was, "No, I haven't. But I'm a bit afraid of what he might do next. He knows how to scare us and what he's doing; it's a dangerous situation for us to be in."  
  
Hermione nodded seriously as Ron and Harry stood there wondering what was going on. Then, Snape appeared and ordered them to go into the classroom (A/N: this is for you Evil Willow), Hermione turned to Harry, Ron and Dean, "It's Giles, and I wonder what he's doing teaching science." She broke out into a huge grin as Dean rolled his eyes in exasperation and smiled and waved as she walked past Snape and into the classroom.  
  
They walked to the back of the class and took their seats Ron and Harry looked to Dean for an explanation, "I'll tell you later, better not make Snape too suspicious. I mean, I don't think anyone has actually smiled at him before."  
  
As the rest of the class filed in and settled down Hermione suddenly gasped, Dean stifled a groan as he turned to look at her and asked her, "What's wrong?"  
  
Hermione turned to Dean with her eyes wide and her face pale, "Didn't you just see who walked in?"  
  
Dean looked around and shook his head; it was just the normal class, Lavender, Parvati, Seamus, Malfoy, Crabbe, Goyle, Pansy, the people that were normally there. And that is what he said to her, "No, just the normal people."  
  
This just freaked out Hermione more; she turned and pointed at Malfoy who was sitting next to Crabbe and Goyle, "It's Spike, Angelus and Drusilla, sitting in our class! How'd they get here?"  
  
Dean opened his mouth just as Snape interrupted him, "Could you please be quiet while I explain what the potion entails. You're not here to talk."  
  
Dean waited as Snape turned his attention to the rest of the class and whispered to Hermione, "I see them now, I don't know how they got in here. They must be using some sort of spell to get around." Dean said this in the vain hope that Hermione would agree with him, this would explain how 'Spike', 'Drusilla' and 'Angelus' were wondering around in the daylight.  
  
Hermione nodded, "I think it may be research time tonight. Don't you think?"  
  
Dean nodded and whispered to her, "After class, don't approach them, I don't want to make a scene. They won't be able to do anything with so many people around, and me breathing down their necks."  
  
The conversation ended and Hermione turned to the front of the class and focused on Snape, or, as Hermione saw it, her good friend and on occasion, saviour. Again, Harry and Ron looked at the tense and stressed Dean for an explanation, he mouthed to them, 'later'.  
  
Class went on with the usual innuendo, Snape taking points and giving points liberally, Malfoy doing the usual teasing and Harry doing the 'don't pick on me, I'm innocent' routine which was backed by his house. After class they lingered as long as possible, trying to avoid Malfoy and his posse. Unfortunately, they couldn't avoid Snape, who was impatiently waiting for them to leave. He glared at them, "Are you going to leave now?"  
  
Silently they walked through the rows of benches, Hermione looking down, puzzled with the behaviour of her supposed father figure. Just as they were walking out the door Hermione turned to Snape and said, "What's wrong with you today? You've been so. so mean."  
  
Snape looked at the impassioned Hermione sceptically and decided, in his impatience, to take what she said as a jest, "Aren't I always?"  
  
Hermione, close to tears whirled around and stalked out of the classroom, her friends following close behind her. She turned around and said to them, "What's wrong with him? Do you think he's like this because of what happened to Jenny?"  
  
Ron had already come up with a battle plan for Hermione's identity problem, nod, smile and pretend you know what they're talking about. He also agreed with everything that Hermione said, which was an advisable plan, "Yeah, I think so."  
  
Hermione sighed and hung her head as they walked up the corridor to wards the Great Hall, "I know he's hurting, but there's nothing more we could do; we tried our best to save her," Hermione put her arm companiably around Dean, "and I know that you did your best. It's not Buffy's fault that Angel turned all mean and nasty either; it would have happened eventually anyway."  
  
Dean, Harry and Ron nodded as they separated at a junction in the corridors. Hermione waved to them as she walked towards arithmancy on her own. Harry and Ron immediately turned to Dean and Harry asked, "So what in the world is happening now?"  
  
Dean sighed and began to walk towards divination, "Well, it appears that Hermione has made Malfoy be Spike, a vampire, one of Buffy's enemies. That means that Crabbe and Goyle are Drusilla and Angelus. Drusilla is Spike's girlfriend, who is an insane vampire and Angelus is a vampire as well. But it doesn't end there. Angelus used to be Angel, who had a soul, but was still a vampire and Buffy's boyfriend, he lost his soul because Buffy slept with him." Dean looked at Ron and Harry who were still absorbing this large chunk of information, "You still with me?"  
  
Harry nodded and Ron stopped, cocked his head, thought about it for a second then nodded.  
  
"Also, Hermione thinks that Snape is Giles, the guy who helps Buffy and is Xander and Willow's friend. Here's where it gets a bit complicated, Angelus killed Jenny, who was Giles' girlfriend. Hermione reckons that Giles, who is Snape, is being foul to us because he blames us for her death," Dean finished his lengthy speech as he climbed the ladder into the divination classroom.  
  
Harry and Ron just stared at each other as they paused to think about what Dean had just explained to them. Harry said to Ron, "This is going to be so much more difficult than I thought it was going to be."  
  
Ron nodded, "This is going to be hell."  
  
Meanwhile.Hermione was having a bit of fun on her own while in her little Buffy universe.  
  
Hermione took her seat in the arithmancy classroom and took out a book to read while she waited. As soon as a certain blonde haired boy entered her head snapped up to look at him with wide eyes. It was Spike. The guy that Hermione dreamed about, the tough British larrikin who made looking evil so much more fun than it sounded. She stared at Malfoy until he sat in his seat and continued staring at him until he turned around to look at her, and then proceeded to give her an overly clichéd sneer (A/N: hey, I'm not one to buck a trend).  
  
Hermione looked away from him as class started, but soon enough her eyes wandered his way again. So what did the irate Malfoy do? He sneered. And he sneered. And he sneered until all the fun that he ever found in sneering was gone. Fortunately for him class ended and he could finally confront her and call her derogatory names that had lost all meaning.  
  
Again, Hermione lingered after class, waiting for everyone else to leave until she exited. As soon as she was outside, Malfoy was in her face, "What are you doing staring at me?"  
  
Hermione reeled back in fright and tried to form her answer, instead, she just stood there opening her mouth and then closing it again. Finally, the cat let go of her tongue as Malfoy took a threatening step towards her, "Well, you usually aren't in class and I was, uhh, wondering.wondering what you were doing there with it not being your class and all." she trailed off and then started to look around at everything except Malfoy.  
  
Draco was put off by what she said, he was always in her arithmancy class, so what was she on about? He took a step back and said to her, "I'm in your arithmancy class."  
  
Hermione just jerkily nodded and then began walking away from him backwards and soon turned around and broke into a jog. Draco just looked at her run away with a puzzled look on his face; he was wondering just what had happened to his little mud blood.  
  
Hermione ran through the doors of the Great Hall and ran over to Ron and Harry, who were holding down the fort while Dean went and banged his head against a brick wall out of exasperation. She sat down with a wild and excited look on her face, "Guys, you'll never guess what happened."  
  
Ron looked at her and decided to humour her, "You met your long lost sister who just happens to be a Swiss yodelling champion."  
  
Hermione just laughed flippantly and continued, "Spike was in my math class, just sitting there. And the thing was.he kept looking at me and then came up to me after class and asked *me* what I was doing staring at him. Isn't that so bizarre? A mean and evil vampire getting paranoid about me staring at him."  
  
Harry had already clicked to the fact that Spike was the infamous Draco Malfoy and asked her, "Did he hurt you or anything?"  
  
"No, but he did do the whole I'm-threatening-you-don't-do-anything-that- will-threaten-me-or-else thing."  
  
Harry nodded sadly, he oh-so wanted a chance to have an excuse to do something to Malfoy. Ron continued eating with gusto as the end of lunchtime was nearing. Hermione noticed his disgusting eating habits, "Uh, Willow, don't you think you should slow down a bit? The food on your plate isn't going to disappear."  
  
Ron looked up and answered with his mouth full of egg sandwich, "What do you mean?"  
  
"I mean, slow down and stop stuffing yourself."  
  
Hermione's comments were ignored and Ron continued to stuff himself like he was loading the back of a semi trailer. The day went by, of course it was filled with Hermione's pointed stares at a confused and rather chuffed Draco; being stared at by a girl all day isn't bad for a boys ego.  
  
The night didn't go by thought without some more scandals. Hermione was sitting around the library with a reluctant Dean and Ron who were both 'researching' the spell which allowed Spike, Angelus and Drusilla wander around in the day time. What do you know, up walked Draco and his transportable mountains, Crabbe and Goyle.  
  
Ron and Dean looked at each other in panic; this scene was going to be ugly.  
  
Hermione's Point of View  
  
The research was going nowhere; no one could find a thing about spells that made vampires immune to sunlight. It was also no help that Giles had flipped us off and that Xander had bailed out on us, we needed all the help we could get.  
  
It was getting late when suddenly, the people we feared the most walked in, Spike, Angelus and Drusilla. This was not when we wanted to see them, which is not saying that we wanted to see them at all. But at that moment we were unprepared, there were only three of us and they obviously had tricks up their sleeves.  
  
Buffy stood up to face them as did Willow, I wasn't as brave; even with the slayer with me I still had fear deep within me. I stumbled to my feet, my hands shaking with fear as I looked for weapons behind me and found none; the weapons were across the other side of the library.  
  
Spike was the first to speak, "So, what's happening here, a little reading club?" He smirked knowingly at us, "Or maybe you're trying to read about our little trick. But you won't find it; you're just little lambs waiting for slaughter."  
  
Angelus paced behind us with his hand on his chin and turned to face us, "Have you checked on your little friend Xander lately?"  
  
Buffy held her head hight, even though I could tell that she was hurting so badly inside, "No, I'm sure he's fine. Thanks for asking though; I'm sure he'll be touched to hear that you care."  
  
Angelus took a few meandering steps towards Buffy, "Well, last time I saw him, he didn't look that *fine* to me." He smirked at Buffy who had lost a little bit of her composure.  
  
I noticed that Spike was looking at me oddly; I didn't want to show any weakness in front of them, they would play on it at every chance. I lifted my chin and looked him directly in the eye, instead of seeing pure evil and hate I saw a splash of humanity that I never knew existed. But he was evil, how can he have any humanity in him after what I'd seen him do?  
  
I snapped back to reality realising that Angelus had been goading Buffy and that Drusilla had joined in on the act too. Drusilla wasn't exactly threatening, she was just agreeing with everything Angelus said, except she was doing it in a crazy, round about way.  
  
Spike stepped back into the scene and began off where he left, "So, you're all sitting here in the library, how endearing. Buffy the vampire slayer can't do her job alone, she has to have some poor little weasel and a book worm that she has to constantly save all the time with her. You have some back up team there slayer."  
  
I could see Buffy, and even Willow bristle at what he said and in a flash, Willow was across the distance that separated us and lashed out at Spike in a flurry of fists and feet. Buffy quickly pulled her off before Willow did damage to herself and Angelus and Drusilla looked on amused.  
  
Spike picked himself up, dusted himself off and walked out, with Angelus and Drusilla following. Just before they left Buffy called out to them, "We'll get you sooner or later. You're tricks can't protect you forever."  
  
End POV  
  
Draco picked himself up, dusted himself off and walked out, with Crabbe and Goyle following. Just before they left Dean called out to them, "We'll get you sooner or later. You're body guards can't protect you forever."  
  
Another session of Draco insulting them and Ron lashing out at Draco, with his bodyguards agreeing with him all the way had ended. Dean looked over at Ron and then at Hermione, who was obviously translating the previous scene into the context of Buffy. Dean sighed and said, "I think we should leave, get an early night."  
  
Hermione silently nodded a look of defeat and shock on her face. Ron jumped up enthusiastically from the chair he was residing in, "Righto, let's get going then shall we?"  
  
They walked out of the library with Hermione lagging behind, "You know what Spike said back there Buffy?" Dean nodded. "It's not true. You don't need us to be a good slayer; you're the heart of the team. I think that we are more of a hindrance than help."  
  
Dean replied on a guess, as he had watched Buffy before and knew how these conversations worked, "You guys are the core of it. Without research we'd be nowhere, I'd be running around killing things as if I were blind. That and we are a team, meaning, more than one. So don't worry about it."  
  
Hermione nodded and they continued through the hallways of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry until they reached their respective dorms of the Gryffindor house and promptly fell asleep. With out a thought in the world of their dear friend Harry, or if you like, Xander.  
  
A/N: thanks to people who review, you're input is good! Sorry it took so long to get another chapter up (that is if you read this fic and check on its progress) things happen. Remember, reviews are good and flames are toasty. 


	7. she's fallen in love

Chapter 7- She's fallen in love  
  
A/N: sorry about how long it took to update, HP 5 came out after all! Unfortunately I'm not going to fix the fic so that it fits in with book 5; it would just make the story all the more confusing. Sorry if I've mixed up the tenses in which I wrote this chapter, I'm sick and a bit mixed up in the head at the moment. So read!  
  
Hermione awoke with a satisfied smile on her face, in her dream she was some sort of witch in England or somewhere like that, and she went to a witch's school. She shook her head at the banality of it and smiled, that was one weird dream. She swung her feet onto the floor and suddenly realised something; no one had ever thought to check on Xander after Spike and his goons had been talking about him.  
  
She got ready as fast as she could, all the while berating herself for not having thought of Xander before. Hermione raced down to the common room to greet a rather unworried red head, "Willow, have you seen Xander since last night?"  
  
Ron looked at her, not having a clue what she was going on about. He remembered after going through the conversation again in his head, he replied slowly, "No, why are you asking?"  
  
Hermione replied quickly, "Because no one's seen him since last night."  
  
Ron's eyes widened immediately after he remembered what Malfoy had said to them last night about Harry. He said to Hermione, "We have to go find him."  
  
Hermione was ready with her protest in true Buffy style, "We should wait for Buffy, and we can't do it ourselves."  
  
Ron rolled his eyes, "We don't have time to wait for her and we can't find her; I have no idea where she is."  
  
Hermione took a deep breath, "Then let's go ourselves. Now."  
  
Ron nodded in agreement, grabbed his cloak and followed Hermione outside the common room in search of Harry.  
  
Meanwhile.  
  
Harry woke up with the birds singing and the sun shining weakly into his eyes, he turned over in his bed to get his glasses of the bed side table. But his glasses weren't there, he opened his eyes in annoyance and found that he could see perfectly, then he realised that he was actually wearing them. Then he realised that he was, in fact, not in his bed. He was actually lying on the ground on the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest. His clothes were damp with mildew and his neck was rather stiff and he had no idea how he actually got there.  
  
Harry got up off the ground and had a look around him. Thankfully, to his left he could see Hagrid's hut, which meant he wasn't too far from the castle. He set off towards Hagrid's hut, wondering how he got himself to the edge of the Forbidden Forest without even realising it. All Harry could remember after dinner last night was walking down the hallway to the Gryffindor common room, he recalled that he had turned down the offer of going to the library to 'research' with Hermione. He shook his head as if to clear it and decided to go and see Hagrid and maybe sort himself out before he went back to the castle.  
  
Meanwhile, within the castle, Hermione and Ron were running around like chooks with their heads cut off, trying to find Harry as quickly as possible. Hermione stopped running shortly after checking out all of the transfiguration classrooms. She looked at Ron and said, "There's a better way of doing this."  
  
Ron replied doubtfully, "And that may be?"  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes and heaved a great big sigh, "We go ask Spike what he did with Xander, or, if you're up to it, you do a locator spell to find him."  
  
Ron panicked at the idea of trying to do magic that really couldn't be done and began to talk nonsense, "But, it couldn't work, the parallels between the. uhhh. the dimensions are destroyed and the magic is silenced because of a cosmically-"  
  
Hermione cut him off, "I get the idea, we'll go question Spike, come on, we haven't got that much time left to find him."  
  
So off they went, well it was more like just Hermione, running down staircases and along corridors, trying to find the Slytherin common room as quickly as possible. Ron was dreading having to go down to the dungeons, even more so since Hermione was not exactly in the same reality that the rest of them were and the confrontation with Malfoy was going to be a nasty one; it would become obvious that Hermione had become somewhat batty. As the sped along one of the corridors that looked out onto the Hogwart's grounds Ron thought he saw someone walking along the edge of the Forbidden Forest, someone who looked awlfully like Harry.  
  
Ron, desperate for any form of delay or miracle to save him from going down to the dungeons grabbed Hermione's arm, roughly dragging her over to the window. She looked at him accusingly and yelled indignantly at him, "Hey! What do you think you're doing?"  
  
Ron didn't reply but pointed out the window, making sure that she saw the figure that was most likely to be Harry walk towards Hagrid's hut. Ron saw Hermione's eyes widen and she said to him, "It's Xander! He's okay! Let's go see him."  
  
Hermione immediately turned sprinted down the corridor, this time with Ron right at her heels.  
  
Harry reached the door of Hagrid's hut just as two students, one with orange hair and the other with long brown hair burst out of the doors of the castle yelling at him. He turned and smiled at them, he knew that Ron and Hermione were going to be worried, he didn't think that they'd find him so quickly though.  
  
Eventually they reached the hut and Harry greeted his two, very puffed best friends, "So, how are you two going?"  
  
Hermione was the first to be able to reply, "We're fine. But what happened to you Xander? We were so worried."  
  
Harry had a hard time trying not to groan as he remembered that Hermione was still stuck in the Buffyverse. Ron turned to him and rolled his eyes and began his line of questioning, "So, what did you get up to last night?"  
  
Harry looked at his two friends, both of whom were probably expecting some high octane tale where he defied death by fighting some evil wizard or something. He answered the best way he knew how, "I have no bloody idea."  
  
Ron and Hermione both stood there, a bit dumbfounded by his inarticulate answer. Hermione asked him, "Are you sure that you don't know?"  
  
Harry nodded, "Yes, I'm sure."  
  
Hermione continued questioning him, "You don't remember anything at all?"  
  
"No."  
  
Hermione then took charge of the situation, "We should go see Giles and try to piece together what happened, I bet it has something to do with Spike, and he did say something about you last night. After we drop you off, Willow and I will go and find Buffy, she can probably hit the streets, try and find out from someone if anything involving you happened last night. Is everyone okay with the plan?"  
  
Harry and Ron looked at each other in a panic, there was no way they could go and see Snape. Harry took charge of the situation, "Look, I don't think it would be best to go and see Giles about this."  
  
Hermione looked at him as if he were mad, "Why not?"  
  
Harry fumbled for an answer, "Remember the other day, when he snubbed you off? I think he might still have something against us."  
  
"He would like to hear if one of us had a run in with Spike, as you most likely have. Giles is a watcher, it's his job to help stop the spread of evil, and he has to put his personal feelings aside to do his job, it doesn't matter if he likes us or not," With that Hermione turned around and started to walk across the school grounds towards the castle, she looked back at them and asked, "Are you guys coming or not?"  
  
Ron and Harry slowly began to follow her, dreading what was coming every step of the way.  
  
For what seemed like the hundredth time, Hermione turned around and beckoned for Xander and Willow to hurry up. They seemed really reluctant to see Giles for some reason. Sure, the last time they had seen him he was quite off hand with them, but he was still getting over the death of Jenny Calendar, who had died at the hands of Angelus. Hermione wouldn't be surprised if he was bitter for the rest of his life about that, but he had to listen to them now, it was his duty to.  
  
Hermione turned around and looked at Xander and Willow, who were still lagging behind, talking to each other. Maybe something happened that I don't know about, thought Hermione, or maybe they're still unsure around Giles after the death of Jenny. Either way, they were going to see Giles and tell him what had happened, or the lack of actually knowing what had happened.  
  
She reached the door to Giles' house and held her head high and knocked on it and waited for an answer. Normally, she wouldn't knock, but she wanted to seem respectful. Giles opened the door with a frown on his face and asked rudely, "What do you want?"  
  
Hermione opened her mouth but Xander stepped in front of her and began talking to Giles. She frowned and stepped to the side of Xander and listened to what he was saying to him, "Sir," Hermione raised her eyebrows at the title that Giles had suddenly earned, "something weird happened. I ended up on the edge of the forest and I don't know how I got there. We were wondering if you could help us figure out what happened." At the end of the sentence Xander's voice had become unusually squeaky and high.  
  
Giles looked at them peculiarly and said to them, "So you want me to tell you what you did last night?"  
  
Xander and Willow nodded and Hermione stepped forward to correct Giles who was being unnecessarily rude to them. But again before she could say anything Xander clapped his hand over her mouth. She looked at Xander murderously, who didn't even notice the look of death that was directed at him.  
  
Giles said to Xander, "Harris, I can already tell you what happened last night. Obviously you were sneaking around the forest, got knocked out by something, maybe you even stupidly fell asleep and woke up in the morning disorientated. Then, to save face, you needed to find something to blame your stupidity on and found that asking me would be the best way to get out of it. Well, you're wrong. You probably ended up near the forest of your own account and forgot what you were doing." With that Giles slammed the door closed.  
  
Hermione turned to Xander and immediately began to lay into him, "What were you doing? You didn't let me talk at all! Not only that but I was going to defend you as well! So, what's the explanation?"  
  
Xander looked at her evenly and answered, "I didn't want you to get Giles even more upset than he already is."  
  
"Just because someone he knew and cared about died doesn't mean that he has a license to do whatever he wants. He was treating you like crap, and you were taking it! There is no justification for that, if anything, he needs a stern talking to, to bring him to his senses." Hermione calmly walked away from them, already knowing that she needed time to calm down and sort things out.  
  
Harry and Ron, being boys, turned their attention to something that they considered more important straight away. That happened to be Ron's new found crush on fellow Gryffindor Lavender. This crush happened in light of Hermione's descent into insanity; you could say that Ron didn't want a raving psycho for a girlfriend.  
  
Harry was, of course, putting on the accursed peer pressure, "Why don't you ask her out? Everyone can tell that she at least likes you as a friend."  
  
Ron was, of course, doing the teen lacking self esteem thing, "How can you be sure?"  
  
"Well, remember that time she magically emptied the contents of Colin Creevey's trunk through the entire school and then cursed his clothes so that they'd swear at him every time he tried to put them on?" Ron nodded and Harry continued, "She did it because he took a picture of her eating. Lavender obviously tells people what she thinks of them, and has she said anything bad to you this year?"  
  
Ron shook his head and quietly said, "No, she hasn't."  
  
"Well then what's stopping you from asking her out?"  
  
Harry looked at Ron as they reached the portrait of the Fat Lady and raised his eyebrows at him; Ron looked back and said courageously to him, "I'll do it."  
  
Mean while, Hermione was in the library.  
  
Hermione POV  
  
I walked into the library and immediately made my way to the back of it, trying to remain as invisible as possible. The replacement librarian, a stiff backed woman, sniffed at me as I was making my way to the back of the library, which reminded me of Giles, who would never do such a thing. I sat down, took my books out of my bag and pretended to do some work, just so I could be left alone by the librarian.  
  
Giles has been acting so weird lately, I could understand that he was terribly upset over Jenny's death, but that was in no way our fault. Everyone has gone all freaky lately, even the vampires. Spike had been staring at me, which in no way was a bad thing, but Angel and Drusilla seemed to be following him and acting more like yes men than evil psycho vampires.  
  
I looked around the library, already bored with my thoughts, which would eventually loop around on each other. It was my misfortune to see the one person that I didn't want to see tonight, or in fact, every other night. Cordelia had just entered the library, and she saw me, alone and walked over to me.  
  
She flicked her long brown hair over her shoulder and began the volley of insults, "So, what are you doing here without your super hero friends?"  
  
I shot back at her, "What are you doing here without your entourage of sheep?"  
  
Cordelia gave me a look that was supposed to shoot me down, but it didn't work as she opened her mouth again, "What do you want?"  
  
I frowned at her incredulously and said to her, "That made no sense whatsoever. You're the one who approached me."  
  
She cocked her head to the side and said, "Oh, yeah. Well, go get some new clothes, yours suck," she then walked away.  
  
I just shook my head and looked back down at my books, only Cordelia could say such a thing and still have friends who could converse with her. Cordelia was another example of everything going freaky, normally she actually had some form of intelligence, and today she was really just air headed. Who knew what was going on?  
  
Out of the corner of my eye I saw Spike sitting in the library, covered by shadows. He's an evil vampire, yet I feel an attraction to him, a strange unfightable magnetic attraction that cannot be broken. Lately in show downs, all I can look at is him, he plagues my thoughts.  
  
And he's walking towards me right now.  
  
Draco walked over to Hermione with a purpose; he wanted to find out what was going on. Everyone had been acting weird around her lately, she hadn't been answering questions in class, she had been doing the minimum amount of work possible and some other guy had been hanging around her. And when you want to find something out, you go straight to the source.  
  
Draco reached the table where she was sitting and sat down across from her. He said to her, "So my little mudblood, what have you been up to lately?"  
  
Hermione's hands were shaking as she answered quietly, "Uhh.not much."  
  
Draco frowned at her and sat forward in his seat, "You've never been afraid of me before, what has changed now?"  
  
"I pretended I wasn't afraid of you," after Hermione said that she looked down at her hands, not daring to meet his eyes.  
  
Draco sat back in his seat, pondering what she just said. Hermione was afraid of him, well she was now, but she wasn't afraid of him before, and he knew that that was no act. He looked at the shaking girl across from him and realised something, he didn't want her to be afraid of him. Yes, he would still tease her, Hermione was the only person he teased, and he wanted her to acknowledge that. Was there a difference between what he said to Hermione and what he said to her friends? Well, yeah, he insulted Potty and Weasel but he teased Hermione.  
  
His thoughts were broken by Hermione speaking to him, "So, what do you want from me?"  
  
Draco considered his answer carefully, but never got to open his mouth as Crabbe and Goyle, Draco's personal lumps of concrete arrived. Crabbe said to him, "There you are, you've got to come and see what we did to some second year kid."  
  
Draco nodded at them and said, "Okay, okay." He cast a quick look at Hermione, who was now looking even more scared now that Crabbe and Goyle had arrived. Draco decided to ease her apparent fear and said to her quickly before he walked away, "You don't have to worry about them, they won't hurt you, and I'll make sure of it."  
  
Hermione watched him go, dumbstruck that Spike would assure her safety, against of all people, the psychotic Drusilla and Angelus, one of the most violent vampires of all time. Needless to say, she was now positively in love with the guy she thought was Spike.  
  
A/N: please review and a thanks in advance for those who do and thanks for those who have reviewed already, it makes writing this so much more fun. 


	8. MISSION: COMPLETELY STUPID

Chapter 8- MISSION: COMPLETELY STUPID  
  
A/N: an OOC warning for this chapter. And I seem to be making a lot of words up for this fic, or that's what my spell check reckons. So, please tell me if I'm making up new, nonsensical words.  
  
As it turned out, Ron did actually get the courage to ask out Lavender, in what was apparently the funniest moment of the year by far. But that unfortunately is another story; the bottom line is that Ron and Lavender was now a couple, stuck in that place where happy couples go: the Land of Happy Coupledem Where Everyone Ignores All Other More Important Problems. This leads us to Harry, Dean, Ron and Lavender sitting together in the Great Hall for breakfast.  
  
Harry and Dean were talking about what would happen now that 'Willow' was going out with someone. Ron and Lavender were making baby noises at each other.  
  
The reason Harry and Dean were worried about Hermione was because they pretty much knew what would happen when Hermione's own invented world crumbled around her; she would have a complete melt down. Both Harry and Dean wanted to lessen the amount of embarrassment that was involved in this melt down by making sure she was not in the middle of the Great Hall at the time. But before they could find some course of action, in walked Hermione, her head high, searching for Buffy, Xander and Willow.  
  
Hermione walked over, sat down and said to Dean, "Buffy, the weirdest thing happened last night. I was in the library when Cordelia came up to me. Well, that wasn't too bad as she forgot what she was going to say to me, which was really stupid of her. Anyway, Spike came in and started talking to me. He asked me what I'd been up to and then he asked me why I was all of a sudden scared of him."  
  
Dean looked at her with a frown on his face, and then checked Harry's reaction as well. Both were thinking along the lines of 'why would Draco be talking to Hermione like that?' Draco, after all, was the guy who got her into the state that she was in. Dean pressed her for more details, "So then what happened?"  
  
"Well, he was going to say something then Drusilla and Angelus walked in, the weirdest thing was that they didn't even cast two glances at me, they just wanted to get Spike to go with them somewhere. And, just before Spike left he said to me that Drusilla and Angelus wouldn't hurt me." Hermione looked at both of the boys and then at Ron, who was still enraptured with Lavender. Harry and Dean waited impatiently for Hermione's reaction to 'Willow's' sudden attachment.  
  
Hermione said to Ron, "Hey Willow," she then turned to Lavender and greeted her, "Hey Oz, you were out of it for a while there. Was the last cycle a tiring one?"  
  
Lavender absent mindedly turned her head towards Hermione and said, "Oh, yeah."  
  
Hermione smirked at them both and said teasingly, "I'll just leave you two to it."  
  
Harry and Dean looked at each other incredulously, but their expressions of triumph soon turned to ones of dread as Hermione turned to them with a love struck look on her face and said, "Look! He's here again."  
  
They both turned around slowly and saw the egotistical and sadistic Draco Malfoy saunter into the Great Hall, and to everyone's surprise, he was alone. Hermione turned to Harry and Dean, scandalised, "Where do you think Angelus and Drusilla have gone? This must mean something Buffy, and we have to find out what it is before it happens."  
  
Dean sighed under his breath and again presumed the role of the one girl in all the world who had the power to stop the spread of evil, "There's no way we could find out what's going to happen, the entire under-world of Sunnydale is in one big fat glitch. Nothing's happening out there, no one's got any information on anything."  
  
Hermione looked at them slyly, "We could go see Giles."  
  
Harry nearly jumped down her throat, "There's no way that's going to happen, you know he's still.uh. dirty with us for what happened."  
  
Hermione looked down at her plate, defeated and then stood up with the rest of the crowd and mumbled to them, "Let's go to class."  
  
That day was another turning point in the twisted world of Hermione Granger. Hermione had a little talk to the guy who had her so enraptured with Buffy the Vampire Slayer in the first place.  
  
Hermione drifted into arithmancy after a double lesson of transfiguration with her mind filled with all sorts of worries and doubts. Hermione wanted to talk to Giles about the problems they were having with Spike and his gang, it's not that they were being terribly threatening, it was just that they were being just that: they were being to, for lack of better word, kind. On top of that she was worrying about Giles, who still seemed to be smarting over Jenny's death. Not to mention all the weird stuff that was happening with Spike.  
  
So, I guess you can see how Hermione wandered into arithmancy and sat down next to the one and only Draco Malfoy, the guy she thought was the rather sarcastic and completely evil Spike. Hermione settled into her seat, took out her books and waited for class to begin, all the while not taking in anything around her, which she appears to be very good at.  
  
Draco, being the kind of person who craves attention and likes to annoy people sat there and stared at her, and stared at her and stared at her. Hermione, being the smart little spark that she is turned in her seat to see who exactly was so amorously staring at her and received a shock when she saw Draco there.  
  
Draco said to her, "Finally, welcome back to the land of the living. Where were you? La La Land?" Hermione opened her mouth to say something, but quickly pulled it shut and nervously gave him a slight smile. Draco raised his eyebrows, "Still afraid are we? Look, I'm not going to say or do anything to you, we're in the middle of the school day and I have to sit next to you for the rest of class. I'd rather sit next to a scared Hermione than a crying Hermione."  
  
The girl in question cocked her head to the side and asked him, "How do you know my name?"  
  
This just confused Draco, "I go to school with you, do I not?"  
  
Hermione nodded and said to him very quietly and sarcastically, "Yeah, of course you do." She looked up as the door of the class room was flung open and a flustered looking professor walked in.  
  
Hermione turned her attention to the Professor who was now standing at the front of the class, waiting for silence. The woman smiled at them and then began to address them, "Unfortunately class, your normal teacher could not make it to class today, so I will be supervising you," she looked around at the students who had begun to whisper to each other, "The reason I will only be supervising you is that I will only be with you for this lesson and I know absolutely nothing about arithmancy. So, you can talk among yourselves quietly or continue on with work from other classes," the class paused, as if waiting further instructions, she smiled at them again and said, "Off you go."  
  
The class broke out in conversations as the students quickly became used to the idea of not doing work. Hermione nervously turned to Draco, gave him a tentative smile and then put away her books.  
  
Draco smirked evilly at her when she caught his gaze and said, "So now I've got you all to myself for the rest of class." Hermione just nodded. Draco frowned at her, "You haven't been very talkative as of late, usually you're just full of witty comments."  
  
"Umm.I have nothing to talk about."  
  
"Well, let's find something to talk about then," Draco offered and leant back in his seat, as if thinking, "Okay, how about your new friendship with that blonde headed kid, what's with that? All of a sudden you and the dream team are all buddy-buddy with him."  
  
Hermione unconsciously and quickly translated what Draco just said to Buffy terms and answered slowly, "Well, we just sort of drifted towards her you know? It's not like we just made an executive decision to be friends, it just happened; it wasn't intentional."  
  
Draco nodded his head, ignoring the fact that Hermione referred to Dean as 'her.' He leant a little closer to Hermione, purposely creating tension and trying to get a rise out of her, "Is anything happening between the two of you that no one else knows about? I mean, you two do seem awfully close."  
  
The reaction Hermione had was predictable, "No way! That's sick," she paused, making a disgusted face, "One of my best friends? That's just gross."  
  
Draco just smirked and nodded, earning a glare off Hermione. He moved on to a more interesting topic, "What were you so preoccupied with when you came in here? It must have been something important."  
  
Hermione sighed and looked at Draco, whose face held no traces of cruelty or trickery. To Hermione, Spike looked like a more smiley Angel. She said to him, "Well, it's sort of long winded."  
  
He shrugged his shoulders, "We have the rest of this class to talk about it, and if we don't finish, we could just continue this conversation elsewhere."  
  
"I shouldn't really tell you about it though."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Hermione picked up a piece of parchment and then looked down at her hands as she fiddled with it. She eventually looked at him and said, "Well, you're the enemy."  
  
"I am not the enemy," scoffed Draco, the idea that Hermione thought of him as the enemy was ridiculous.  
  
"I guess not, you are sitting here talking to me in a relatively nice way."  
  
Draco looked at her, surprised, "Since when am I not 'relatively nice'?"  
  
"Most of the time."  
  
This was Draco's chance to explain the last five and a half years to her, to explain how he didn't really mean to hurt her. He took a deep breath and said to Hermione, "I don't mean to be like that."  
  
Hermione was shocked, he was an evil vampire who had tried to kill Buffy over and over again, not to forget that he had been apart of at least one attempt to end the world. "What do you mean that you don't mean to be like that? You've always tried your hardest to hurt me and my friends."  
  
"I never meant to hurt you," Draco explained looking at her, making sure that he had her attention, "Your friends, yes, I do try to hurt them. But I genuinely don't like them; you can easily say that I hate them. Well, where you're concerned Hermione, I don't mean to do anything to you; I just have to, to keep up appearances. If I don't, things would get very ugly."  
  
"But what about that time." Hermione's protest was cut off by Draco.  
  
"I only ever mean to tease you, in good humour, that's all I ever want to do. I wish that I didn't say and do some of things that I have said and done. From now on, you're going to have to promise me that you will take everything I say to you in front of other people in good humour. Can you do that?"  
  
Hermione let out the breath that she had been holding and looked Draco in the eyes, "I can. But what about all the others? What will they do? What will they say?"  
  
"I promise that they won't hurt you in any way, and please, please don't get offended when I call you my little mudblood. It's just that.you ARE my little mudblood. Okay?"  
  
Having heard something completely different, Hermione nodded and agreed with him, "I get you, and don't worry its okay."  
  
With the last statement still lingering in the air, the bell rang and Hermione gathered her bags and said her farewells, but before she could take two steps, Draco stopped her, "Hey, we'll talk about what's on your mind later okay?"  
  
"Right, see you later," with that Hermione walked out of class and not once looked back at the boy with whom she was completely smitten.  
  
The conversation that Hermione had just had with 'Spike' put a whole new spin on her day, she was no longer lamenting over the lack of understanding Buffy and Xander were harbouring and the complete obliviousness Willow and Oz were displaying. Instead, she was replaying the conversation she had with 'Spike' over and over again in her head, needless to say that she was in love.  
  
Hermione decided to skip seeing her friends for the meantime and went to the public library, with the intent of drooling over Spike and pushing all her previous worries into the back of her over crowded skull. But the moment she walked into the library her problems with Giles rushed back to her. She remembered how Giles was, now that she looked at it, being a complete dick head, towards the Scoobies and Buffy. And how it seemed that her friends were not taking her seriously.  
  
That was then our little bright spark Hermione had a revelation. She would go see Giles, alone, without Buffy and see what happened; maybe she could talk some sense into him. So, off went little trooper Granger, with a very dangerous and fickle mission to complete. The mission was: to talk to the inconsolable and rather snappy Giles.  
  
A/N: hope you liked that chapter, please review and I'll give you.happy vibes! Yeah, happy vibes, I can send them over the net. The next chapter will be coming soon as I am on holidays (winter holidays though, I hate winter. Yes, I am in the southern hemisphere for those that were wondering and puzzling) and am completely bored. So instead of doing school work I write fanfic! Yay! Okay, that's enough babble for now. 


	9. the whole world has gone crazy

Chapter 9- The whole world has gone crazy  
  
A/N: mwahahaha! I shall bore you to death with my endless author's notes. I'm feeling awfully evil today and this fanfic shall suffer the consequences. I just read over that last chapter and realised that Draco is so very OOC, but oh well, isn't he always? Read on and.dammit I don't know what I was gonna say but it was going to be good.  
  
Hermione, the one girl in all of Hogwarts who had the power to find the sane people and make them totally insane quickly made her way to the dungeons and, inevitably, Snape's office with a bounce in her step and a smile on her face; she was going to solve all the problems in her extremely small world. The bushy haired girl stood in front of Snape's office a moment before entering in order to wipe the smile off her face and rid her poor mind of Spike-is-one-big-love-bunny thoughts. Composed, Hermione knocked on the door and waited for Snape to call her in.  
  
Snape suddenly snatched the door open, making Hermione jump with fright. He narrowed his eyes at her, "What would you like?"  
  
At his cold tone Hermione shifted her weight from one side to the other and said in a small voice, "I'd like to talk to you about something."  
  
The answer was preceded with a further narrowing of Snape's eyes which made him look like he were squinting at something, "Yes, but be quick about it, I have things to do."  
  
Hermione nodded and followed Snape as he turned around with a big swish of his long black robes, making Hermione scuttle back wards to avoid being hit by them. Taking a seat across from Snape, Hermione noticed that Giles was looking somewhat pale and drawn. Taking a deep breath to calm her Hermione began talking, "Giles, you've been withdrawn from us for a while now. I know that you've been upset over Jenny's.death, but that is no reason to cut us off. You know that there is a battle taking place and you are a watcher; it is your duty to help battle the powers of evil and you are not doing that. Not only are we languishing on the battlefield, we are also languishing off the battlefield, we are losing hope and we need you to be there, not just as a watcher, but as a friend also. I hope that this has woken you up and made you realise exactly what you are doing, if not, then I guess there's nothing I can do."  
  
Snape sat back, absorbing the rousing speech that Hermione had delivered to him so well. He nodded and stood up to talk to a hopeful Hermione, who had her hopes for 'normalcy' in the Buffy universe pinned on her speech's success. Finally, Snape began in an almost soft tone, "Granger, I'm not sure if you're in your right mind but I believe I have to say this to you now," suddenly his tone became cold, firm and harsh, "Whoever you're talking to does not exist. I am not your wonderful friend 'Giles', I am your potions teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and I am not putting up with such tomfoolery and absolute madness. Granger, you have changed from a friendless know-it-all with her head at least screwed on straight to a bumbling, delusional ditz. Whatever world you think you are in does not exist. If you are trying to change your useless lonely life into an exciting one, think twice; such ridiculousness will not be tolerated. I hope that this speech has sorted you out. Now please leave and good day to you."  
  
With that Snape walked to the door and opened it, motioning for Hermione to leave. She slowly got up with the dreaded glazed look on her face. Her subconscious directed her to the Gryffindor common room where she slipped past her fellow pupils and into her dorm.  
  
Ever so slowly she climbed the stairs and walked into her dorm and took a look around her. On the walls there was Buffy paraphernalia on the walls near her bed, Buffy books on the floor of her bed and a Buffy t-shirt tossed among her belongings. Hermione looked around at the mess of Buffy stuff and slowly walked over to touch the Buffy posters, reeling back when she felt them, as she thought they were fake. She sat down on her bed and stared at the large poster of Buffy and Angel across from her bed and zoned out.  
  
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Meanwhile, down in the common room, Harry and Ron were slaving away over their homework while Dean was rocking back and forth in his chair, obviously feeling the strain from the past few weeks. Harry sighed and rubbed his eyes and looked at Dean, "Hey, are you okay?"  
  
Dean looked around startled and then realised that it was Harry, who was sitting next to him, was talking, he replied in a strangely high pitched voice, "Yes, yes, perfectly fine. Fine, fine, fine."  
  
Harry just nodded and left Dean to his own devices, figuring it was better for him to sort himself out. Across from Harry, Ron growled in frustration and flung his big fat potions text book across the common room, which unfortunately found the head of a defenceless first year. Ron said to Harry, "I cannot do my homework without Hermione. She is the driving force behind my motivation."  
  
"Don't you mean she's the one who does all the answers for you?"  
  
"No. You don't get it do you?" Ron shook his head at Harry as if sad that he didn't know the big secret.  
  
Harry shook his head, "No, I don't get it."  
  
Ron sat back in his chair and sighed, "I guess I'll have to tell you. You see, the only reason I get any homework done is because Hermione guilt's me into it. She does all her homework; therefore I must do MY homework."  
  
Harry just nodded, confused and said, "Okay Ron, if that's what you reckon."  
  
Outraged, Ron jumped to his feet, nearly knocking over Dean, who was no longer just rocking back and forth, he was also muttering to himself. Ron pointed his finger at Harry and yelled, "It is NOT just what I RECKON. IT'S THE DAMN TRUTH!"  
  
At this, Dean fell to the floor in heap with a wailing cry and Harry threw all of his books across the common room, which was met with another loud, "OW!" from the already concussed first year. Harry stood up and squared up to Ron.  
  
Ron, being the wuss that he is slapped Harry and then turned around as if flicking his hair and ran off through the portrait. Harry shook his hair and muttered to himself while stepping over a now whimpering Dean, "Has the whole world gone crazy?"  
  
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In the middle of this Hermione had made her way out of the common room and was currently wandering around the halls of Hogwarts, staring at everything in wonder. She was beginning to sort things out. Hermione was rediscovering where she was, who she was and what she was doing at Hogwarts. It was as if she had lived two lives, one in a dream and another in real life, unfortunately for Hermione, she was discovering that her dream life, the one that had seemed so much better, was not real.  
  
Hermione had reached the Entrance Hall and was standing at the entrance to the school. She smiled as she saw Hagrid's hut and the Forbidden Forest, remembering all the things that she had done with Harry and Ron there, back when they were friends of course.  
  
As the sun set, Hermione slowly made her way back up to her dorm room, luckily not meeting anyone on her way. Again, she sat on her bed and stared at her photos of her, Ron and Harry waving and grinning at the camera without a care in the world.  
  
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Harry had managed to track down a nearly hysterical Ron and calmed down Dean enough to get him to sit still and had gathered them in the Gryffindor common room. Harry stood as he got both Dean and Ron seated. As soon as they were Harry gave them both a hit on the back of their heads with his hands. In unison they protested, "Hey! What did you do that for?"  
  
Harry just looked at them. When both of them still had puzzled looks on their faces Harry said, "Need I make an inspirational speech?"  
  
A look of dread passed over Ron's face; he would do anything to avoid an inspirational speech of any form, "Where perfectly fine. I already know what you're going to say."  
  
Dean looked at him with speculation written all over his face, "Do you really now? Would you like to make a wager on that?"  
  
"Yes I do know what he's going to say and no, no wager," Dean looked disappointed, "Harry was going to say that we should snap out of it and be strong for Hermione and not to let things get to us."  
  
Dean looked at Harry for approval. Harry nodded his head and said happily, "I didn't have to say a thing at all, see, we can sort anything out."  
  
At that particular moment, Lavender came rushing into the common room and said to the three boys in a panic, "You guys have got to help me."  
  
Ron stood up first and said, "What's wrong? Are you alright?"  
  
Lavender stopped dead and said to Ron, "I'm fine you dolt," she then resumed her panicked state, "I have a test tomorrow and I can't find Hermione anywhere."  
  
This was met with panic from all three sides, which was followed with the usual 'are you sure?' responses. The three boys feared the worst, that Hermione had decided to do something brash, like save a world that didn't need saving. Parvati soon joined the party in a panic, just for the sake of drama although she soon stopped when she found out why they were panicking, "You guys can't find Hermione?"  
  
There were nods.  
  
Parvati rolled her eyes and said, "She's in the girl's dorm, although she is just sitting there staring at something. But don't worry about her; I told her that dinner's on in a second, she said she'd be coming down."  
  
Harry looked at Dean and Ron, worried about just what Hermione was staring at. Lavender and Parvati decided to leave for dinner, leaving the three boys waiting for Hermione.  
  
Within the minute Hermione was down the stairs, but when she greeted them she didn't say a bubbly hello or anything she looked at her feet while greeting them and seemed to be trying to hide her face. Harry looked at her and asked, "What's wrong Hermione?"  
  
She looked up and said softly, "I'd like to apologise about the whole Buffy thing, I don't know what overcame me."  
  
Ron looked at Hermione incredulously, "You're back?"  
  
Hermione smiled softly and replied, "I guess I'm back. I've sorted everything out," she turned to Dean and said, "Although I have to thank you a ton for doing that, you don't even know me."  
  
With that there was a huge smile on everyone's faces and Hermione went on to hug them because this is the sappy part of the fic and they have to hug for this to be the sappy part.  
  
So, they made their way slowly down to dinner, smiling, laughing and getting reacquainted with sanity. The dream team was back for real and in force at the Gryffindor table except this time with additions, Lavender with her boyfriend Ron and Dean, who had found a new friendship with them.  
  
As Hermione looked around the hall her eyes rested on Draco, who was apparently looking at her. When he gave her a little smile, Hermione realised something that had never occurred to her in all the excessive thinking that she did: she was in love with Draco Malfoy.  
  
Hermione got up out of her seat and ran screaming from the Great Hall.  
  
With a look of panicked dread three boys got up in unison and yelled after her, "Hermione!"  
  
A/N: well that's that. The end. The conclusion. The finish. The cessation. The endoument. Finally, this is the end of all the madness and bad writing. I do plan to write other fics, oh yes, other fics filled with even worse writing and if possible, stupider ideas! Won't you all love it?! Either way, I hope you liked reading this, for that is the purpose of this fic, to enjoy the time spent reading it. A big shout out to all the people who read the fic and an even bigger shout out to those who reviewed (author gets all teary and produces a speech a la Andrew in Chosen) I'd like to thank my partner in crime pencil gal, the garbage man who collects my rubbish, the goldfish that died when I was six. 


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